Petsmart, Inc.

Attn: Customer Service

19601 North 26^th Avenue

Phoenix, AZ 85027

June 8, 2007

Dear Petsmart,

One day last week (I forget exactly when; my memory has not functioned properly since the brick accident) I was shopping in a Petsmart store. There was a Sinatra-esque tune playing through the store’s speakers as I browsed the shelves for a low-fat, low-carb, no sugar added, organically grown box of fish food flaky things. My fish are very obese and require special diets in order to avoid sinking. Yes, sinking. You know how fish float to the top to let you know that they’re “dead?” Well, these bad boys would float to the bottom. How am I supposed to get them out of there without getting my arms all wet?

Unfortunately, after 1 hour of shopping, I could not find a single product that fit this description. Do you even carry low-fat piscine comestibles? I am looking for one that is endorsed by Dr. Phil. One of his more recent episodes was about people and their fat fishes. “Your fish IS fat,” Dr. Phil said to the owners in his silly Texan accent. Then he turned to the respective fishbowls and said “YOU need to get in shape and take control of your body, FISH!” (applause)

Oh, and is your company called PetSmart or PetsMart? I am confused about this like 7 hours a day. And where is the best place to learn a silly Texan accent? Also let me know about the low-fat, no sugar added, starch and gluten free, organically grown, low-carb, mineral enhanced fish food. My fish WILL lose weight on the Dr. Phil 40-day Fish Diet Plan!

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

Also: the fish (Swimmy, Finny, Swimmy II, Swimmy III, Finny II, Finny VIII, Bart, Federick, Herschel, Miriam, Swimmy V, Mikhail, The Fonz, Mikhail II, Gertrude, Dexter, Vera, Manfred (sunken), Howie).

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