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Domino’s Pizza LLC
30 Frank Lloyd Wright Drive
Ann Arbor, MI 48106
May 21, 2007
Dear Domino’s,
I was perusing a bunch of your coupons, looking for grammatical flaws as
I do on the 21st of each month, when I came across an
anomaly. Our drivers carry less
than $20, one of the coupons said in fine print. This makes sense at
first, because you don’t want the drivers to get robbed by people who
read the fine print on coupons. But it’s not entirely true.
Suppose there is this guy named Tony. Tony invites 60 friends over for a
Super Bowl party. Are you following this? Now suppose all of Tony’s
friends, AND Tony, start to get hungry. “Domino’s Pizza!” Tony belches
as his football-watchin’ posse jumps up and down cheering. They order 40
pizzas, 10 2-liter sodas, and lots of CinnaStix. This is
more than $20.
Now assume that Tony is in the mafia and pays for everything in cash.
You never know, the pizza boy could be a spy. Tony doesn’t want any
paper trails. He hands the Domino’s person
well over $20, in cash, for
the 40 pizzas, 10 bottles of soda, and CinnaStix. NOW who’s the liar,
Domino’s?
So DO your drivers really
carry less than $20? Or is this a blatant lie? Because I know for a fact
that Tony exists. He is my next-door neighbor. And recently he had to
order that EXACT SAME QUANTITY of Domino’s food for a World Series
party. (The Super Bowl thing was a cover for his identity. He’s in the
mob.) I know because I was there. I ate the pizza, drank the drinks, and chewed
nonchalantly on the CinnaStix. Which are just OK.
So why do your coupons lie to me? I feel that I can no longer trust
Domino’s Pizza Co., Inc., Ltd., LLC. For all I know, “LLC” stands for
LIE, DECEIVE, AND CHEAT.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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