RCA Records

1540 Broadway

New York, NY 10036

September 9, 2007

Dear RCA,

I am writing to inquire about the greatest record known to man, specifically Lou Bega’s 1999 masterpiece A Little Bit of Mambo, which, as we all know, features the world’s #1 song, “Mambo No. 5.” I know, I know: you get requests like this all the time. “Where can I meet Lou Bega?” they might ask. “Do you have his cell phone number?”

I, of course, have a different set of questions for the great Mr. Bega, if you would be so kind as to forward my inquiries. Here they are, in no particular order, besides numerical and alphabetical:

1.  Are the ten women listed in your song actual physical acquaintances, or simply by-products of a wandering musical imagination? If the former is true: aren’t you worried about venereal disease? Furthermore, are you married, and if so, does your wife approve of such promiscuousness?

2.  What ever happened to the first four mambos? As a major follower of your work, I am deeply interested in the sweet, sweet melodies of your past and would elate at the prospect of their resurfacing.

3.  Where can I get a giant painting of you for my living room?

4.  Where can I meet you, and what is your cell phone number?

Thank you once again, Lou Bega, for bringing us the self-referential genius that is “Mambo No. 5.” I particularly appreciate how, three times during the course of the song, you extend a welcome hand to the hearing impaired by yelling “THE TRUMPET!!!” when the corresponding instrument plays, as part of the lyrics. And thank you, RCA, for producing a record that is greater than the sum of all human achievement, minus Michelangelo’s David and the invention of Play-Doh.

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

P.S. The trumpet.

P.P.S. DA TRUMPET!!!

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