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General Mills Inc. Number One General Mills Boulevard Minneapolis, MN 55426
June 18, 2007
Dear General Mills,
I have two young children. They are Harold and Jane. Harold and Jane think there is a little leprechaun out in the woods near our neighborhood who will lead them to some marshmallows. And I wonder who could have put this idea in their head?
It started, quite simply, when your Lucky Charms commercials would elicit warm smiles from the children. Then they started hugging the TV when Lucky came on. One day, I was eating lunch in the kitchen and the kids were sitting idly by the tube, my sandwich-eating was interrupted by a rather violent smashing sound from the adjacent room. It turns out Harold had demolished the TV screen with my hammer, which I determined, after 17 spankings, was to gain access to the interior of the television, where Lucky’s pot of marshmallows would be readily available.
I will NOT buy Harold and Jane Lucky Charms. It makes them exceedingly violent. They fight over the box, spilling sugar in 42 colors over the linoleum. But I cannot control the timing of your godforsaken advertisements, and quite frankly it has gone too far.
Both of my children have been abducted. They ran off into the woods in search of your pedophile leprechaun two days ago, and I have since not been able to locate them. I imagine they ran into an authentic pedophile. The police are investigating the area and my wife is a mess. Now when I see commercials for Lucky Charms, I break out into tears. When will my children be returned to me!? WILL they ever come back?
Please, for the sake of Harold and Jane, Lucky needs to be eliminated. He is a dangerous, enticing mascot.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson
P.S. Do you know who manufactures the milk cartons around here? |
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