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Glaxosmithkline plc December 12, 2007 Dear Glaxosmithkline plc, Before I begin my letter, I wanted to ask what plc stands for. Is it pleasant, light, and classy? I know how those Co.’s and Inc.’s clunk around at the end of companies’ names like a ball and chain, so is this perhaps your way of saying that you’re better? Anyway, I’m writing about yesterday. I was literally dragging myself through the deserted aisles of my local supermarket, with my tattered Hawaiian shirt and machete, which is always useless in a desert, and I came across a wonderful product of yours called OASIS! What better beverage to quench my desert thirst than one specially formulated for dry mouth? Looking around, I saw no grocery store employees, so I was safe to take a swig or two before I paid. Wow, was that stuff tangy! If you’re stuck in a desert, all you want is water. Now I was willing to give OASIS a shot, especially because of its tantalizing name, but it was certainly NOT what I wanted to drink after climbing hundreds of dunes and battling gigantic sand-serpents. (Okay, maybe machetes are useful in the desert.) What gives, Glaxo? You can’t just put a new beverage out there and call it OASIS and expect people to fall for the misleading name. It burned my mouth so badly, I had to swish it from side to side for thirty seconds, then spit it out. OASIS should probably be renamed THE BURNING FIRES OF HELL IN A BOTTLE. Don’t worry about me: I won’t be buying anymore OASIS. To quench my thirst nowadays, I’m drinking a space-age beverage I found next to the milk in the grocery store. It’s thick and yellow, but it tastes great! It comes in an oddly shaped thin white sphere, and you have to crack it open to get the juice inside. And for such an innovative new concept, it’s cheap! Especially because they use live chickens in the manufacturing process. Neat!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson P.S. Get this! If you let that space-age beverage sit long enough, it becomes a chicken! Wow! |
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I can't tell whether this response is a joke: GSK manufactures Oasis, but in their letter they say "We don't manufacture that drink." |
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