Daimlerchrysler AG

Mercedesstrasse 137

Stuttgart, 70327

Germany

August 3, 2007

Dear Daimlerchrysler,

I don’t really know what goes on over there in Germany, but whatever it is, it’s leading to the production of silly-looking vehicles. Silly - and dangerously ugly. Yes, I am talking about the PT Cruiser, your worst-looking car to date. Is it a minivan? Is it a station wagon? Is it a truck?

It is an SUD, or a Sport Utility Disaster. Its sleek curves and polished body make me want to gag. On some models there is a wood trim, which causes me to keel over and cough up blood. Whenever I see the PT Cruiser convertible, seconds later I am floating towards the light in a tunnel to the afterlife. Luckily I am always slapped back into reality by a nearby friend or hobo. But these are dangerous times, Daimlerchrysler.

What can be done about the PT Cruiser? You can kill it. Stop the production of this monster, fire whoever designed it, throw whoever approved the design off of a high building, and issue a special recall. “We need these PT Cruisers back,” it will say, “so we can incinerate them in a dark alleyway.” This is the only way society can return to normal! People are driving these things left and right! Bright blue ones, mind you! They have been brainwashed!

I am urging you to take the necessary steps to eradicate this vehicular pest from the face of the earth we live on. I cannot share a continent with these rats, I tell you. They have infested my home: America.

Keep them in Germany if you have to. You people have weird things like bratwurst and liverwurst and lederhosen, so it will fit in nicely. But I advise you to kill all the PT Cruisers in the rest of the world, if not for me, than for sanity’s sake. Please, we need our sanity back! Purple asparagus!

Sincerely,

Kevin Dickinson

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