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Congressman Rob Andrews October 31, 2007 Dear Congressman Andrews, ¡Feliz Halloween! That’s how they say Happy Halloween in Spain! I am fairly sure of this. But we are not in Spain, are we? I’ll stick to the American version. I’ve spent the entirety of 2007 as an apprentice to Bo, the Master Pumpkin Artiste. Bo has carved well over 12,000 pumpkins in the past five years alone. All of them have won blue ribbons. Therefore you should not be surprised with my delicious skills when you see the ROBKIN:
Damn! That’s some complex hair you’ve got there. When you’re styling it with your Congressional Comb, you probably think “Hey, this is easy!” But it’s NOT when you’re styling it with a carving knife. Not that I suggest YOU do that. During the week and a half this sucker took me to carve, I had to keep it in a portable storage unit with a laser beam defense system. I couldn’t let those pesky squirrels in, you know! They sure do love pumpkins. And Rob Andrews. Hey: do you get to wear a Halloween costume to the Capitol? I think it would be funny if a bunch of witches and ghosts made some laws and appropriated some monies. It would be even funnier if everyone dressed up like Jim Saxton. Then people would say “Where’s the REAL Jim Saxton?” and it could be like a house of mirrors, only without mirrors and stuff. Or if all the Congresspeople dressed up like giant watermelons, that would be funny too. What are you dressing up as this Halloween? I’ll bet it’s not a giant watermelon, is it. Can you go trick-or-treating at the White House? I know there’s a bunch of security and stuff in Washington, but I think it would be neat if I could go up to the front door and ring the doorbell in my Jim Saxton costume. Then George would answer and say, “Hello Jim Saxton!” and I would pull off the mask and he would dump candy in my pillowcase. Will I be shot if I try to trick-or-treat at the White House? You know how they have dudes with rifles on top. Anyway, enjoy the ROBKIN! I’ll let you know how many blue ribbons it gets.
BOO!
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