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Seedlings Braille Books for Children January 30, 2008 Dear Seedlings, Man, do I feel like Oedipus! Ecculostrapholococcinus-B has taken away my eyesight. I guess it’s not the same as gouging out my eyes with my mother’s brooches, but nevertheless I’m completely blind now. If you’re wondering, E.B. is a rare degenerative eye disease that can lie dormant for years and suddenly destroy someone’s eyesight. My doctor prescribed Braille. I wanted to acclimate myself with the “dotty language,” as he called it, by first attempting to read a children’s book (which I procured from you). This is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to learn, including pre-algebra. Who would have thought that letters like x and y could masquerade as numbers? I suppose, though, that moving your finger over a bunch of dots is equally silly. My problem with your Braille books is that the dots are way too small. I have no idea what I’m reading! Sure it’s a children’s book, but what’s it about? Little Johnny earns an A after some hard work? Farmer Steve treats his animals with kindness? Raunchy, lascivious, borderline pornography? Speaking of that… I guess Braille does have its advantages. You get to feel up all the sexy parts of a book. Anyway, I’m writing to inquire whether you sell special Braille magnifying glasses so I can finally learn to read. I’m at a loss here not only because of my newfound illiteracy, but also because of the loss of my job. How can I oversee employees? I can’t even regular see. I now live vicariously through my servant Harker. He is my eyes and arms. He is typing this and will have to show me where to sign it.
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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Okay, so it's a corny joke... but I had to: |
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You call this a response? A post-it on a website printout? |
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