Gourmet Boutique
144-02 158th Street
Jamaica, NY 11434

January 11, 2008

Dear Gourmet Boutique,

Never has something as simple as a chicken pot pie perplexed me to such a great extent before I encountered your “Jan’s Fresh and Ready Chicken Pot Pie.” I have several grievances I would like to share with you relating to the enigmatic packaging surrounding said pot pie. Enclosed is a copy of the label in case you don’t have one lying around. (I’m keeping the original because I may want to forward this letter to Congress.)

The reason I bought this chicken pot pie was the cooking time. The top of the label clearly reads “Ready in Less Than 5 Minutes.” But on the bottom it says “bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes.” Which is it? Since it clearly says “NOT SUITABLE FOR MICROWAVE OVEN,” how can I cook it in less than 5 minutes? Am I supposed to be living on the sun?

And right below where it says “CHICKEN POT PIE,” the description reads: “All White Meat Breast of Chicken with Potatoes, Peas and Carrots in a Creamy.” A creamy what? Are you hiding something from me? How am I supposed to know what I’m eating if it doesn’t even say on the package? Was that even chicken?

Why call this “Jan’s Fresh and Ready” if it’s not ready yet?

There’s a U.S. Department of Agriculture Inspection stamp on the front. Are you telling me they overlooked key details of your package? Maybe the Dept. of Agriculture, like Congress and perhaps the President, should receive a copy of this letter.

Thank you for your time. This is the most confusing package I’ve ever opened. In the mean time I’m buying Dan’s Fresh and Easy Chicken Pot Pies, which come in a creamy sauce, as it says on the package. You can never be too careful.

Sincerely,

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