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Congressman Rob Andrews April 7, 2008 Dear Congressman Andrews, Every now and then, we find ourselves browsing alphabetical lists of the countries of the world, trying to determine if there are countries that begin with every letter of the alphabet. I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of alphabetical country browsing, have you not? Well, the last time I looked (I do it in five-month intervals), there were no countries that began with X! I know what you’re thinking: “What about Xanadu?” Well, I looked it up, and sure enough it’s not a country! What a shocker. Xanadu is actually a movie about roller skating. Remember Planet X? That burned-out star that in the 1990s cosmetologists thought was a planet? Well, what if there was a Country X, and what if Country X didn’t turn out to be a burned-out commonwealth, but an actual country? Imagine the fame and fortune you could enjoy, apart from the fame and fortune you already enjoy, upon “discovering” Country X! How will this happen, you ask? It’s simple. We’re going to split this 50/50. What I’m going to do is get a whole bunch of dirt, and dump it into the ocean, and keep doing this until I have an island. Then I’ll wait a couple of years until there are palm trees and natives, the whole time keeping it a secret with a complex mirror system. When, a few years later, you “happen” to go sailing into the middle of the ocean one day, and “happen” across a previously undiscovered island, your fame and fortune will be secured. “I was just sailing one day!” you will say. “When, all of a sudden, there was an island, which I knew to be undiscovered through my extensive knowledge of all maps.” There will be an elaborate ceremony, and when you’re at the dais you can say, “I have decided to name this island Xinadu, which is a completely original name I have created that is not based off anything similar.” We get rich when almanacs have to pay you to add your country to their alphabetical country list. Rob Andrews, if ever there was a time to “accidentally” discover a country whose name begins with X, it is now!
Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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