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Hillary Clinton for President April 23, 2008 Dear Senator Clinton, Are you just running for President so you can write a memoir? Just kidding. That’s probably one of three or four reasons. Listen: I just wrote to Barack Obama with the following message: If you can’t stand the Hillary, stay out of the kitchen!™ I also wrote a profane word on a piece of paper and sent it to John McCain. This is what I am doing for the HILLARY 2008 campaign. I have encouraged my entire neighborhood to say “Hillarific” instead of “fantastic” or “superb.” You know, any of those superlative words. I have also taken the liberty of sticking my tongue out at people who like Obama or John McCain. ESPECIALLY John McCain. Do you know what I told John McCain? I said, “I like Hillary Clinton.” Take THAT, Republicans! Have you read The Audacity of Hope? I didn’t, because it’s by BARACK OBAMA! Have you read Faith of My Fathers? I didn’t, because it’s by JOHN MCCAIN! If you capitalize MCCAIN it looks like you inserted too many C’s. Take that, Republican orthographers! Did you know that DEMOCRAT has alphabetical precedence over REPUBLICRAP? I found out yesterday using a dictionary. I also have a set of encyclopedias. I found the entries for OBAMA, BARACK and MCCAIN, JOHN (too many C’s!) and I drew silly little beards and horns on their pictures. Obama has fangs! McCain is drooling! HILLARY 2008! I found CLINTON, HILLARY and I drew a halo over your head. It looks more like a donut but donuts are delicious! What is your favorite flavor donut? When you are president, I will eat nothing but that flavor. I am the #1 HILLARY CLINTON FAN! Do you mind if I start a Hillary Clinton Fan Club? I already did! It’s in my basement and there are well over six members! We have membership cards. During meetings we make up silly grade-school epithets for Senators Obama and McCain. Yo Mama Obama! McCain the Stain! We are creative! You have such a strong defense because nothing really rhymes with Hillary! GO HILLARY! I will vote for you as many times as I can manage! I have numerous fake moustaches.
Sincerely,
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I feel like me 'n' Hillary are best friends now, because this letter is hand-signed by someone who works for Hillary. OMG! |
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| Just for fun, here's that letter I sent to John McCain: |
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John McCain 2008 April 23, 2008 Dear John McCain, DARN! Sincerely,
Kevin Dickinson |
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| I am politely awaiting Mr. McCain's repsonse. |
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