Albertson’s, Inc.
250 E. Parkcenter Blvd.
Boise, ID 83706

January 11, 2008

Dear Albertson’s,

I’d say I’m a fairly health-conscious man. My doctor told me to stop my calorie intake completely because calories are bad for you. I also don’t eat cholesterol (all flavors) and I steer clear of milk because it can give you avian flu.

But, my salubrious diet aside, I can’t help but scorn at your Hearth Farms bread package. First of all, the serving size is “1 slice.” How can you make a sandwich from one slice? It would just be a sand. Or maybe a witch! Second, there are 19 servings in the bag, so even if, theoretically, I were to pair up two slices to make a “traditional” sandwich, there would be one left over. Am I supposed to bring it to the park and feed it to the birds? Or save it and pair it up with a loner from another package?

Furthermore (as if this wasn’t enough!) I was missing two slices the last time I bought a loaf of Hearth Farms bread. I counted the slices prior to opening the package, and even weighed it on a miniature scale, and both methods told me there were 2 slices absent. Do your assembly-line computers know how to count?

Do you know what kind of opportunity cost I’m losing here, what with the missing slices? Turkey, chicken, ham, you name it! I could have made a delicious sandwich using those two slices (i.e. two servings of bread). Let’s see: lettuce, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, banana peppers, jalapeño peppers, cucumbers, pickles, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, jelly, and my daily calcium supplement are all things I would consider putting on that sandwich that I now cannot make.

I pictured this sandwich in a thought bubble. But an Albertson’s pin came along and popped it. Please refund me for the cost of two slices of bread, and please also tell me what I am supposed to do with the leftover slice. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Home