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December 1, 2005
Epic Games 620 Crossroads Blvd. Cary, NC
Dear Corporal Major First Class James Lewis, (is that the correct rank and name?)
I recently started playing your video game entitled America’s Army. I was completely captivated by this game. I easily passed all of the training missions, and win almost every match that I participate in. Some people call me L337, but those people are loser nerds. They used to be my friends, but I’m an Army man now and have no use for such dweebs. I play this game at least ten hours per day in order to hone my skills.
I understand that America’s Army is a free video game released by the United States Army and is intended to be a recruitment tool. This video game is much better than the others that I usually play (Halo 2, Tetris, Super Mario Bros. 5: The Mystery of the Crystal Donkey.) It is a realistic interpretation of how the Army works. I like it so much, in fact, that I have decided to join the Armed Forces just because of it. I am sure that I will be fine in the Army because of how well I mastered the video game. I just had a few questions before I “joined up”. They are as follows:
1.) How much ammo would I begin the round with? I will probably need more than most people because of how many enemies I usually shoot and kill.
2.) How many lives will I have? In the game I get only one life. But because of my elite skills, the U.S. Army may want to give me an extra life.
3.) When I am the captain, how many soldiers will be at my disposal? I need at least 5 because several will probably be cut down in the line of fire. It happens all the time in my game.
4.) How long will it take to complete Army training? In the game I completed it in about one hour, so I hope that it is not much longer than that.
5.) Which maps will we be fighting on? I would prefer the map entitled “Arctic”, but “Oasis” would be alright I guess. At least they are both air-conditioned or heated.
6.) In the game, we are able to choose which team we fight on. Can I do this in the Army, or will I be assigned to a team? Sometimes I like to switch sides, mid-fight.
7.) What type of clothes should I wear to training? Casual, or more dressy? (See question #1).
Your Future Freedom-Fighter,
Zachary Eisen
P.S.: I have a terrible case of corns on my feet, and the boots would hurt my feet unmercifully. Could I just wear some sort of sandal or flip-flop? |
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