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September 7, 2005
Deer Park Natural Spring Water
Dear…Steve, (is that your name?)
A horrifying tragedy has recently occurred on the property formerly known as my home. While opening a bottle of your finest Deer Park Natural Spring Water, I accidentally spilled some on the floor. I was wearing my hazardous materials suit, mind you. (I always use the finest hazard suit when dealing with your product.) So do not worry, I was able to escape practically unharmed.
However, I was forced to board up my home and move into a hotel until the mess could be dealt with sufficiently (government clean-up, government cover-up etc.). I know how to clean up normal types of water, but this was Deer Park Natural Spring Water and I was unsure if you could clean it up in the same way. Can you? Is your favorite color red? I was right, wasn’t I? Stop stalling and get back to the problem at hand.
You must tell me how to clean up this devilish liquid. Please respond quickly because they are going to knock down the entire house in about 23 and ¼ seconds. It was the only way I could think of cleaning up the mysterious liquid.
Your Loving Uncle,
Uncle Zachary Eisen
P.S. Someone once told me that Deer Park Natural Spring Water contains real bits of deer. I am sure that this is true. I just wanted to know, what percentage of the water is real deer? I’m on a diet that limits my deer in-take.
P.S.S. Blue Gatorade is good. I forget what flavor it is. |
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